Jason Torchinsky's posts - Russian uPOST

There was once a time, in a more civilized age, when the upper echelons of polite society would gather with their automobiles for an elegant car-dance. Impeccably-dressed couples would gather on the dance floor, select a fine automobile like these BMW 501s, and do stately synchronized driving.

You Can Run a Cruise Ship on Dead Fish Just FYI You Can Run a Cruise Ship on Dead Fish Just FYI

If you’re like most of us, every extra bit of space in your home or apartment is crammed with bags filled with dead fish. In case you’re not sure what to do with all those dead fish, here’s an idea: run a cruise ship on them! Yes, finally, cruise ships can harness the near limitless potential of fish corpses thanks to…

Why Porsche Does Intake Manifolds Different From Everyone Else Why Porsche Does Intake Manifolds Different From Everyone Else

I think it’s safe to say most of us, even those of us uncomfortably car-obsessed, don’t spend a lot of time thinking about intake manifolds. I feel like we tend to treat them as just those tubes that hold up the fun stuff, like carburetors and turbochargers and that sort of thing. Really, though, there’s a ton of…

I think today you should take a cue from this 1971 Honda 600 Coupe ad and describe attractive things as “large on looks.” You could tell your co-workers that the new horse they got working reception sure is large, looks-wise. Or let a pal know that the Ruben she ordered for lunch looks so large on looks.

This is the Greatest Example of Wanton Cruelty in All of the Star Wars Universe This is the Greatest Example of Wanton Cruelty in All of the Star Wars Universe

Once you start really thinking about it, the Star Wars universe is a pretty grim place. Not only is the entire galaxy always seemingly mired in a destructive, pervasive war, but there’s dramatic levels of income inequality, extreme poverty, and, perhaps worst of all, widespread slavery of sentient beings. Even with…

Chinese Porsche Knockoff Maker Wants to Be First Chinese Car Brand Sold In U.S. Chinese Porsche Knockoff Maker Wants to Be First Chinese Car Brand Sold In U.S.

Most Americans aren’t familiar with the Chinese car brand Zotye, but the painful car geeks that make up 90 percent of our readership are likely to remember that there was a Chinese carmaker that built a shameless copy of a Porsche Macan. That’s them. Now, it seems they have plans to come to America, and be the first…

Nurse Who Cooked His Truck to Help California Wildfire Victims Getting New Truck From Toyota Nurse Who Cooked His Truck to Help California Wildfire Victims Getting New Truck From Toyota

Allyn Pierce really loved his Toyota Tundra, and even had a special nickname and logo for his truck: the Pandra. Pierce is a nurse who managed the ICU of the hospital in Paradise, CA, the site of the state’s deadliest wildfire ever. When the fires were raging, he drove the Pandra back into the flames to help people,…

Today’s plan: have a backup plan. Like a whole extra H-van.

RIP Stan Lee, Who Gave the World the Strangest Superhero Car  RIP Stan Lee, Who Gave the World the Strangest Superhero Car 

As you probably all know by now, the legendary superhero-generating machine Stan Lee has died at the considerably old age of 95. While Stan Lee’s achivements weren’t of the automotive variety, he did contribute some things to the world of automobilia, including one of the strangest superhero cars in all of, um,…

Five Things to Know About the Volkswagen Karmann-Ghia, And Its Sort-Of Stolen Design

The Volkswagen Karmann-Ghia is one of those car that even non-gearheads tend to like, because it’s just a fundamentally pretty object. It’s elegant and friendly and curvy and sleek all at once, while being approachable and inviting. It’s just a lovely little design for a car, and pioneered the idea of a sporty car, as…

Drawing Giant Penises in the Sky Will Get You in Trouble If You're a Marine, It Seems Drawing Giant Penises in the Sky Will Get You in Trouble If You're a Marine, It Seems

Just in case you were wondering, it looks like the Navy will investigate you if you use their aircraft to draw colossal sky-penises. We know this because last month two Marine Corps pilots in a T-34C trainer aircraft drew a gigantic penis in the sky, and now they’re under investigation. It’s assumed that the…

In honor of Veteran’s Day, I figured we should have a soldier here. So, everyone, say hello to the Crosley Pup, part of a project to make a lightweight, airplane-droppable Jeep. We’ll have more about these mini-jeeps soon, I think!

Here's 11 Stupid Ways to Describe What a Car Is Here's 11 Stupid Ways to Describe What a Car Is

It’s the end of the week, which likely means that you’ve used up all your brain-juices, and you’re running on fumes now. That’s good, because what I’ve come up with here is deeply, richly stupid: ten genuinely idiotic ways to describe a car.

The American People Now Own That Mail Bombing Suspect's Nutty Van The American People Now Own That Mail Bombing Suspect's Nutty Van

Perhaps you recall a few weeks back when the suspect alleged to have sent all those bombs to Trump-detractors in the mail was captured, and if you remember that, then you likely remember what he drove: exactly as you suspect, it was a white van plastered with crazy conspiracy shit. Well, guess what, American citizens!…

Floormats Are Bad Floormats Are Bad

Floormats are stupid. They’re stupid because they have repeatedly caused life-threatening situations that force carmakers to do recalls for a component that’s as complex as a carpet sample, and because the very existence of floormats is a tacit admission that the materials used in car interiors are all wrong.…

Dealership Caught Taking Customer's Corvette on 90+ MPH Joyride (UPDATED)

I think it’s telling that all of us here at Jalopnik were going back-and-forth about whether or not to write up this story of a dealership speeding in a customer’s car, mostly because we’ve seen so many worse videos of dealership abuse. But that’s just us being jaded. Really, it’s worth calling out all these examples…

Happy Friday! Instead of doing anything useful today, I suggest using your office’s resources to print out and build this 1971 Ford Pinto model. Not that you can see the extreme-rear location of the gas tank on the bottom there, which would become a big deal later in the Pinto’s life.

This Has to Be GM's Strangest and Least-Known Brand This Has to Be GM's Strangest and Least-Known Brand

If there’s one thing that General Motors seems to love more than anything, it’s car brands. Even more than cars themselves, GM has always held a special delight for the individual marques. Remember, this is the company that somehow found shades of marketing difference between Buick and Oldsmobile for decades, the…

Infamous Low-Ass Bridge Claims Camper's A/C Unit, Sending Witness Into Screaming Fit

Everybody, everybody, look at your calendar! See what day it is? It’s the 8nd of November! Sorry, the 8st of November! That’s 11/8. You know what else is eleven-eight? The infamous 11 foot, 8 inch bridge in Durham, NC, and it’s recently claimed another victim: this big camping trailer’s rooftop A/C unit, and this time…

Just in case you thought this was just going to be another boring Thursday, I’m here to remind you that the Iso Rivolta S4 was one of the best-looking four-door sedans ever made, and you should probably take a moment and reflect on that before going about your day.

More Jason Torchinsky's posts »

Language